Category Archives: Babycare

Breastfeeding, babywearing and cosleeping

Hertfordshire based natural parenting groups

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It is a while since I’ve touched on the subject of finding support for natural parenting.

Ten years ago I found a couple of online groups that supported me – one was a forum that no longer exists and the other was thebabywearer.com.

Over the years I’ve tried different groups online, with varying degrees of success. I’ve dipped in and out of Natural Mamas and Green Parent. But have found difficulties with staying engaged. In one case because of the lack of notification of new topics.

I used to frequent the sling meet group, but now that part of our lives has moved on and the interest is less immediate.

Today though most of my support comes from local natural parenting groups, predominantly Facebook groups. These groups feed into my email or Facebook news feed which I use every day, keeping me engaged and up to date.

I thought it would be useful to have a list of Hertfordshire based natural parenting groups.

Any more to add to the list?

Out and about with little ones

Babywearing, Parenting, Play, , , ,

Over the years we have spent a lot of time outside with our two young children.
Wandering the streets has been a favourite, and playing in public spaces. Street furniture has so many possibilities! If you leave enough time to take things slow there are lots of interesting things for small children around the streets.
We have also enjoyed going to the park or woods, climbing trees and setting up home in the shrubbery. A pushed over pushchair on the pavement makes a brilliant rocket on the way back from the library.
Who can resist puddle jumping or jumping in the autumn leaves – I know none of us can!
Playgrounds have provided a social opportunity and plenty of fun over the years too.
My youngest in particular likes to collect things and each journey outside leaves the possibility for the discovery of treasures – a discarded McDonald toy, a stick, a hub cap (these are particularly popular).
My eldest loves the opportunity to meet people and chat that being outside provides too.

For me the top tips for getting out and about are:

1. Using a sling for a baby – and for a toddler (up to age 4 or 5 with a well suited good quality one.
Baby can see everything and chat with you and other people if they want. And it doesn’t matter how far a toddler can walk because you just pick them up for a bit. I like a mei-tai best – easy for back carries and unlike a wrap there isn’t too much material to drag through the mud. A good soft structured carrier can work well too.
Types of baby carriers
2. Working out a bag(s) that worked for me, and taking as little as possible.
For me this was a large runner bumbag, which I could wear around my waist under the carrier. Children carried their own toddler day sack from very early on with nappy things in. (not the baby ones in shape of animals as you can’t really fit anything else in these). If your child has a tendency to run towards the road then the reins on these might be helpful too.
3. Dress right for the weather
With a bit of research it is possible to find clothes for babies, children and adults that mean that the weather isn’t a problem.
Babywearing – what to wear in wet and cold?
4. Learning not to expect too much.
Children like to potter, and it seems completely against their nature to walk from A to B with getting somewhere as the purpose. For them it is about the journey. So slow down, take your time and you’ll be rewarded by getting to see a familiar landscape in a whole new way.

Babywearing blogs

Babywearing, ,

To celebrate International Babywearing Week – here are some blogs on babywearing.

Why I Love Baby Wearing - Charlotte Kaufman

I Love The Way You Wear Your Baby | International Babywearing Week 2011 - Charlotte Kaufman

Why I love babywearing – Katherine Norman

Benefits of Babywearing – Katherine Norman

Types of baby carrier – Katherine Norman

Baby-Wearing ~ Toddler-Wearing ~ Eleven-Year-Old-Wearing - Rachel Coleman (spotted by Charlotte Kaufman). An inspirational account of babywearing a disabled child. Shows the potential for babywearing for all of us and as a result I have been inspired to make sure I take a mei-tai out with me today for my only 4 year old!

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The warm heart of my family

Babycare, Babywearing, Breastfeeding, Cosleeping, Our journey, Parenting, , , , , ,

Reading the latest The Parental Intelligence Newsletter I came upon this article that struck a cord with me – Why African Babies Don’t Cry
by J. Claire K. Niala.

It reminded me of some of the childhood influences on my parenting that I treasure the most. As a child I lived in various countries – most notably for a couple of years in Malawi. It was a time in my life that I loved completely – warm sun, heavy rain, good friends and family all in the warm heart of Africa. It influenced my view of the world and in recent years has heavily influenced my parenting choices.

We had a cook – whose large family was very important to me. Their two year old daughter in particular was the only child before I had my own that I have ever felt maternal about. Whilst we were their her mother had another baby daughter. And between them both they taught me some of the most important lessons for my own parenting.

First – there is nothing strange about co-sleeping – although given a family of 11 people, and two bedrooms you really have no choice. But that normal, happy children co-sleep and it can be a completely normal part of the human condition.

Secondly that toddlers don’t have to throw tantrums. The only times I ever saw my friend cry was if she was hurt or at wash time – now that she hated!

Thirdly babies don’t have to cry, and the most normal place in the world for a baby is attached to its mother, in a chitenge or what ever other baby carrier comes to hand. The little one is also the only baby I can remember seeing breastfeeding up close.

These special memories stayed with me for years – ready to help make breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing and multi-age communities of children seem like the obvious choices for my own children.

Inspirational books

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Inspirational and indispensible books on pregnancy, birth and parenting

The right book can be a real source of support and help you feel confident in your choices, but reading the wrong ones can make you feel frustrated and a bit of a failure. As every parent and baby is different you need to take what works for you, and supports you. Here are books that have inspired other parents.

Advice I was once given was that if you buy Gina Ford, also try reading Sears, or Liedloff too. That way you can find an approach that you like, that suits you and your family. What works for some will not work for others. Helen

No book is a suitable substitute for meeting with other Mums of children of a similar age and just chatting about your children. Even if this chat sometimes happens online after children are in bed rather than face to face… Edwina

Early days

The Continuum Concept, Jean Liedloff ‡

This book is 100% down the other end of the parenting scale to Ford. Very much about looking within to yourself for ways to nurture your newborn based upon natural instincts. Helen

Your Baby And Child by Penelope Leach

I like Leach’s non-judgemental, non-threatening, non-lecturing approach to childcare. Her style is very descriptive and is a real celebration of babyhood and the early years. It’s quite an old-fashioned approach, but with an ‘older voice’ comes wisdom! Reading her takes away all your guilt and is the literary equivalent of a pat on the back! Nicola

Inspirational because she doesn’t try to give you all the answers and encourages you to trust your own instincts Sharon

Baby Wisdom by Deborah Jackson

Main message I picked up from it was that as long as they are fed and clothed, all you really need is a safe and loving environment for your child. There are many other things covered and I just love the style but then it suits my style of parenting. Louise

It covers all sorts of cultural and historical baby care and I found it a great way to see sift through and see what appealed to MY instincts and to see what ‘normal’ baby care across different times and places looks like. Katherine

What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen ‡

Inspirational because it showed me that whatever I’m thinking/feeling/doing,
at least some other mothers experience it as well. Sharon

This book really reveals what it is that PARENTS do, not just the obvious things like changing nappies, feeding children, etc., but this is about the little things that no-one ever seems to notice. It is an eye opener as well as a confirmation of your feelings as a parent. Nicolette

Absolutely amazing for dealing with so many of my first time mum questions and feelings. It is a rich collection of examples of others mums experiences, again I found it a reassuring and very informative read. Alexis

The Attachment Parenting Book, by William and Martha Sears

Lots of advice on baby wearing, bonding and breastfeeding, but nothing is prescriptive and there is a lot of ‘wiggle’ room to do things your own way. Helen

The Science of Parenting (retitled What Every Parent Needs to Know) by Margot Sunderland ‡

Explainssome of the science behind the guidance given by people like Sears but in simple, easy to follow language with lots of pictures – perfect for a sleep-deprived mum like me.Yazmin

Our Babies, Ourselves, How biology & culture shape the way we parent, by Meredith Small

Babies all over the world are raised differently according to the values of the society in which they are born. This made me think a bit more about the values that our society puts on adults/children/babies and which of these values I wanted our family to keep. Interesting and thought provoking. Susan

Older children

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

Helped me realise that my job as a parent isn’t to do things for my kids, but to enable them to do them themselves. Sharon

Raising Happy Children by Jan Parker and Jan Stimpson  ‡

Reinforced my own ’embryonic’ feelings that my new baby child was in fact a person in their own right, not someone who I had to tame or train but someone I could begin to relate to and understand. It does give concrete advice and help but it is not preachy, to me, and it deals with lots of different situations. Helen

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph

I have found this a book that I refer back to again and again as my little boy is growing up. Zoe

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

This book has provided me with a more positive way of looking at my daughter’s difficult behaviour. She is just MORE! The behaviours we find so draining in our children are actually strong positive traits in the adult and are to be admired! Zoe

Pregnancy & Birth

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
Spiritual Midwifery ‡ both by Ina May Gaskin

I love these for instilling confidence in a woman’s ability to have a baby. Since reading her books I strongly believe in the idea that having a baby need not be a traumatic, medical procedure, but a happy, almost enjoyable and amazing event. Helen

A collection of stories of birth, usual and unusual, but all of them seeing birth as something positive that women are designed beautifully to do. I don’t often cry when I read books but I did at this one, in awe of the power of our bodies.  Carol

Pre childbirth, I found Ina May Gaskin’s “Ina May’s guide to childbirth” to be very informative, as I was pondering over whether or not to book in for an ABC birth at Watford. She is an advocate of gentle natural birthing, and reading about her experiences as a midwife on “the farm” in the US, where mums-to-be come to be nurtured and guided through the birthing process, made me empowered to believe I should give it a go. When I arrived at the ABC, my own midwife had actually met Ina May and we spoke a lot about trying to achieve an intervention free birth as much as possible. Things did not quite work out that way (far from in fact it !!) but I was so glad I had read her book and was confident enough to at least try to have a natural birth. Alexis

Childbirth Without Fear by Dick Grantly Read ‡( Inspired the founding of the NCT)

Started me on the road to my fantastic home birth. It can be a bit of a slog to get through (but maybe that was just my pregnant brain not taking it in!) but it was a refreshing change to the commonly held and perpetuated view that childbirth is always a traumatic, agonising experience. After reading it, I KNEW I could have a happy, positive birth experience and then went on to do just that. I’m so happy I found it and would recommend it to all first time mums as something to read as an antidote to all the scare stories they will, inevitably, get bombarded with. Kelly

The New Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger ‡

Kitzinger is an inspirational writer who deals with all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth (including emotional and psychological) – reading her book gave me confidence in my own ability to give birth and rereading her book brings back all kinds of emotions.  She captures birth beautifully in her words and pictures, as well as giving practical suggestions. Nicola

Series

The Best Friends’ Guide to …

Human, comical, down to earth, and above all it (Best Friends’ guide to pregnancy) reminds you to enjoy this incredible moment… all the things you’d hope to hear from a friend. Carmen

I also loved ‘The Best Friends’ guides for their humour, something that so many baby books seem to forget and leave out. Helen

What to Expect books

Well set out and liked the format of “should be able to”, “will probably be able to” and “may be able to” for each month. I did feel it could have given a better “normal” range.
This is one of the best series of books I have found, very matter of fact, and not too opinionated (so didn’t push particular parenting ideas too much). Edwina

I’m expecting another baby in February and the only book I want back from the various friends I lent them to is ‘What to Expect: The First Year’. This book put my mind at rest as to what baby should or shouldn’t be doing at each stage – and stopped me from being a competitive mum. I liked it so much I went on to buy the ‘toddler years’. Claire

Love it or loathe it?

Contented Little Baby Book, Gina Ford

This one just goes to show that one person’s indispensible book, may well be another’s most hated! With over 700 reviews on Amazon.co.uk this one really divides opinion, and stirs emotions!

Yes

It has been my bible and i think is a must for all those who live isolated away from family and friends, which seems to be most modern lifestyles now! Gina has replaced the info and support you possibly got from grandmothers, aunties, and other friends as parents which in our situation are a minimum of 2-4 hour drives and a 24 flight away! It gives you permission, reassurance and structure if you are a routine person already! Sarah

This book saved my patience and any endless guessing I would have had. I watch my sister in law flying by the seat of her pants and I admire her as she does not “get” routines but her children respond so well to my children’s routines whilst in my home, so it is true, this book is not for everyone but it is definitely for my family! Both my girls are on the routine from an early age and now it is not a routine, it is how it is done, we all conform and we are all so happy with it. It made life so much easier with baby number 2, she fitted in perfectly with the routines of number 1 and we too got sleep all night from a young age, what bliss! Sarah

No

Some women will find that breastfeeding goes haywire if they follow Gina’s advice in the early days. In breastfeeding classes, if people are planning to impose a feeding schedule, I suggest not being rigid in the early days – to ensure that the baby gets enough time at the breast, enough milk, and that milk supply isn’t reduced by restricting feeds. Elaine (Breastfeeding Counsellor)

I can only speak from personal experience but after reading Gina Fords book I put an incredible amount of (unnecessary) pressure on myself, and my new baby. I was in a foreign country without any support network and had been told her book should become my “bible”. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to know when enough was enough and it went in the bin. I am now very, very wary when recommended those types of books. Carmen.

Maybe?

I also used Gina with my first baby as I had no clue about babies and no family around and found her a useful starting point.  With DD2 Gina didn’t work and this time I’m trusting my own instincts… having said that, DD3 is still waking loads in the night but how much is nature/nurture I don’t know!  Nicola

Where to get hold of these books

‡ Available to buy from NCT nctshop.co.uk

Written with contributions from members of the NCT

Jean Liedloff, author of the highly influential The Continuum Concept has died

Babycare, Parenting

On March 15, 2011 – Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept, passed away peacefully in her home.

The Continuum Concept is the idea that in order to achieve optimal physical, mental and emotional development, human beings — especially babies — require the kind of experience to which our species adapted during the long process of our evolution.

Experiences such as constant physical contact with a familiar caregiver, bed-sharing, breastfeeding on cue, being carried and allowed to observe, prompt non-judgemental responses to his signals (squirming, crying,  etc), other’s expectations that he is a social creature with natural self-preservation instincts.

Jean Liedloff influenced many parents and indeed changed many people’s understanding of how to parent.

When to bed-share with your baby?

Cosleeping, ,

A very helpful article by Helen Ball on bedsharing and breastfeeding, from Breastfeeding Today .

She examines how babies sleep – which is very differently to an adult, and how the western view of babies and sleep has been shaped by babies sleeping alone. Then moves on to the relationship between bed-sharing and breastfeeding. Helen Ball looks at the research on risk of bedsharing and highlights how the risks relate to individual circumstance and sums up with guidelines on how to bed-share safely.

The issue’s theme is sharing sleep, and another contributor Dr James McKenna is always worth a read.

Babywearing – what to wear in wet and cold?

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With babywearing comes a whole other world of questions – like what to wear when the weather gets cold and wet?
Over the last 7 years I have tried a few options.

First of all babywearing beats a pushchair when it is raining. I’ve never been able to push my pushchair and carry an umbrella. But have found that with baby in a sling, even on the back I can just put up my umbrella, make sure the umbrella is over baby (if baby doesn’t want to feel the rain on her face) with the spokes touching her back and off we go. Particularly good are those large, clear dome umbrellas, but we’ve managed fine with a children’s Dora the Explorer one!

Front carry with an ordinary coat

For a little baby on the front I found that just wearing a biggish coat, done up over the front worked great. But as time went on, and we moved over to more and more back carries I needed a new approach.

At first I just tried both of us wearing our coats and then putting the sling over the top. This works great with my mei-tai, but it does lead to the problem of both of us overheating when we go indoors – especially into hot, stuffy shopping centres. On the flip side now I have very active, walking child each having our costs on means that she already has the right clothes on to get down and play outside.

Finally I decided I needed a proper babywearing coat. But which to choose?

I don’t spend or think a lot about clothes and style, but I am very picky. I like anything I buy to ‘be me’. Preferably a bit quirky and in the right colours – bright, strong, clear colours – red, green or purple, but usually end up with the inevitable fall back – black!

A look at the babywearer.com mostly turned up anorak type coats. Not what I was after at all. Then I found three options:

The Äiska Babywearing Poncho. Which I loved the look of, but couldn’t help feeling that it would completely drown little old me.

The MamaPoncho – beautiful, neat but not really a coat.

Very, very pregnant in the MamaJacket

And finally the MamaJacket. This is the one I bought and have worn for several years. It is neat (sizes are rather small), looks good as an ordinary coat, and a maternity one. The only down side is that is isn’t as warm as many other coats. But in UK with its limited deep winter – and lotsof autumn and spring chilly days it is usually fine. Now available in a gorgeous red colour which I would love to have had.

Then this morning I followed a link and found this coat – the MaM Babywearing tunic.  Quirky and at Naturally Happy Slings it is even available in red fleece. Like the MamaJacket it can be worn as an ordinary coat, during pregnancy, or babywearing front or back. Interestingly it comes in three different fabrics – stretchy polar fleece, wool/viscose or a weatherproofed fleece. As I seem to spend alot of time outside standing around in playgrounds the weatherproof version is very tempting, although sadly not available in the red.

Now the question is “Is it too late to buy a babywearing coat?” as DD2 is coming to the end of regularly being in the sling. But then again – it can be worn as an ordinary coat!

One little extra for baby. When in a sling trousers ride up – so leg warmers such as Babylegs or Huggalugs are a great idea. Though we have usually just gone with long trousers on a baby who isn’t walking yet, or high boots on a child that is.

Scientist hypothesises that using tools to make slings made us human.

Babywearing, Parenting, ,

Archaeologist and anthropologist Timothy Taylor claims that tools use came before Homo species, that Australopithecines used stone tools to create baby slings to carry their young.

Bipedalism requires baby to have a small brain at birth because of the mother’s small pelvis, but it makes it harder for baby to cling to mother.

“Upright female hominins walking the savannah had a real problem: their babies couldn’t cling to them the way a chimp baby could cling to its mother. Carrying an infant would have been the highest drain on energy for a hominin female – higher than lactation. So what did they do? I believe they figured out how to carry their newborns using a loop of animal tissue. Evidence of the slings hasn’t survived, but in the same way that we infer lungs and organs from the bones of fossils that survive, it is from the stone tools that we can infer the bits that don’t last: things made from sinew, wood, leather and grasses.”

So now the helpless babies can be carried, allowing Homo species to gve birth more prematurely and the baby to continue to develop extra-uterine. Duncan Caldwell also hypothesizes that the sling enabled humans to give birth to more immature babies and develop bigger brains post-natally and that the sling environment also led to loss of hair to combat parasites

http://gizmodo.com/5619821/artificial-ape-man-how-technology-created-humans

http://web.me.com/duncancaldwell/Site/Baby_Sling_Adaptations.html

http://newhumanist.org.uk/2330/slings-arrows