Category Archives: Parenting

Babywearing blogs

Babywearing, ,

To celebrate International Babywearing Week – here are some blogs on babywearing.

Why I Love Baby Wearing - Charlotte Kaufman

I Love The Way You Wear Your Baby | International Babywearing Week 2011 - Charlotte Kaufman

Why I love babywearing – Katherine Norman

Benefits of Babywearing – Katherine Norman

Types of baby carrier – Katherine Norman

Baby-Wearing ~ Toddler-Wearing ~ Eleven-Year-Old-Wearing - Rachel Coleman (spotted by Charlotte Kaufman). An inspirational account of babywearing a disabled child. Shows the potential for babywearing for all of us and as a result I have been inspired to make sure I take a mei-tai out with me today for my only 4 year old!

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The warm heart of my family

Babycare, Babywearing, Breastfeeding, Cosleeping, Our journey, Parenting, , , , , ,

Reading the latest The Parental Intelligence Newsletter I came upon this article that struck a cord with me – Why African Babies Don’t Cry
by J. Claire K. Niala.

It reminded me of some of the childhood influences on my parenting that I treasure the most. As a child I lived in various countries – most notably for a couple of years in Malawi. It was a time in my life that I loved completely – warm sun, heavy rain, good friends and family all in the warm heart of Africa. It influenced my view of the world and in recent years has heavily influenced my parenting choices.

We had a cook – whose large family was very important to me. Their two year old daughter in particular was the only child before I had my own that I have ever felt maternal about. Whilst we were their her mother had another baby daughter. And between them both they taught me some of the most important lessons for my own parenting.

First – there is nothing strange about co-sleeping – although given a family of 11 people, and two bedrooms you really have no choice. But that normal, happy children co-sleep and it can be a completely normal part of the human condition.

Secondly that toddlers don’t have to throw tantrums. The only times I ever saw my friend cry was if she was hurt or at wash time – now that she hated!

Thirdly babies don’t have to cry, and the most normal place in the world for a baby is attached to its mother, in a chitenge or what ever other baby carrier comes to hand. The little one is also the only baby I can remember seeing breastfeeding up close.

These special memories stayed with me for years – ready to help make breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing and multi-age communities of children seem like the obvious choices for my own children.

Learning Trust, Trusting Learning conference 2011

Home education, Parenting, , , , , , , ,

Spent yesterday at the LiTTLe Conference in London – Learning Trust, Trusting Learning.

Very nice to see some old friends, put some faces to Twitter friends and see some well-known autonomous home educators in real life.

  • Imran Shah – Social worker and active member of email lists, with an articulate passion for parent-baby attachment. Talked about the vital importance of parent-child attachment.
  • Sandra Dodd – US Unschooling guru. Talked about living thoughtfully in the present and fostering a sense of wonder.
  • David Waynforth -  Research scientist on human behavioural ecology. Talked about children’s food choices.
  • Mike Fortune-Wood – Home education veteran, advocate and editor. Talked about the challenges facing Home Education in a political climate of increasing State control of childrens’ personal lives.
  • Alan Thomas & Harriet Pattison – Researchers into how children learn and informal learning.
  • Schuyler Waynforth

Considered writing a bit more about each – but KP Nuts has beaten me to it! The LiTTLe Conference in London 11.6.11

 

Playing in public spaces

Magazines and blogs, Parenting, Play,

One of my favourite blogs is The Cool Hunter.

I always enjoy finding the newsletter in my inbox – it injects a bit of colour into the world, with some wonderfully different ideas on everyday things. One of my favourite parts is the Kids section. Today it featured Reinventing Kids’ Spaces/Playgrounds. With lots of wonderful pictures of playful places.

For me the biggest problem with play is not just that children need to time to play, but also they often need permission. We live in a world where adults spend a lot of time telling children not to touch or to behave because they are worried about how other will view their children. Where parents worry that their children playing in the street or pedestrian areas are going to make too much noise, or upset other adults.

The play spaces pictures in the blog are wonderful, and making spaces bright and playful can be a great way to encourage adults to let go and let the children play, but actually many public places already have the potential to be wonderful playgrounds if adults felt that it was acceptable, and just let the children play.

We had a lovely time last weekend when we just sat in our local town’s sensory garden and let the children play. We let them climb on the benches and the sculpture. And pretty soon other children joined in to. Children will do this spontaneously if they are given the time and permission to do so. Everyday street furniture, fencing, walls, trees etc can be wonderful to play on and with. Every small child is drawn to walking on walls, swinging on railings and so on.

Another instance of adult aimed environment that makes a great play space for younger children is the outdoors gym in a neighbouring town’s park. Although aimed at over 12 year olds it makes an interesting and different play space for younger children too. My 4 year old found the equipment to be interesting climbing frames and my 7 year old enjoyed the glimpse into another form of adult exercise that would suit her, but which she is barred because of her age.

As The Cool Hunter  says public spaces could be so much more than they are now. Both visually and as play spaces for adults and children alike. Great design plays an important part, but even without that just a change in attitude can make a huge difference.

Celebrating pregnancy

Pregnancy

Exploring ways to mark and celebrate being pregnant

Becoming pregnant changes our lives forever. It is a time to put away our preconceptions, literarily the ideas we have before pregnancy and to move on to the next stage in our lives.
A first pregnancy is a time to think about our changing role as men and women, the shift from being primarily our parents’ children to becoming parents ourselves. It irrevocably alters the relationship between us and our partners, as the new baby become the centre of our lives.
A subsequent pregnancy often focuses our attention on what a new baby will mean for our existing child or children, and on how best to prepare them for a new sibling.
Despite these momentous changes we often rush through pregnancy, distracted by everyday life. We focus on coping with morning sickness and the discomforts of pregnancy. Or we may attend antenatal classes and go shopping, as we prepare for the birth and life with a new baby. But how often do we focus on the here and now, on the baby inside us.
Taking time to focus on our baby before birth can be a magical and enriching experience. It helps us to bond with our baby, feel more in tune with our health during pregnancy and can give us and our child a wonderful legacy to look back on.
Here are a few ideas of things to do to mark this life-changing event and to celebrate our bodies and our babies.

Meditate on it

Meditating on our baby during pregnancy can help us relax, deal with our fears about childbirth and parenthood and even make for a more comfortable birth. There are many approaches ranging from yoga, to hypnosis for birth.

Write about it

How about writing a pregnancy journal or diary. Get a beautiful notebook and set aside a short time each day to write, maybe in the form of letters to your baby.
Alternatively do it online, with a blog.

Don’t forget to take lots of photos

Cast your bump

Create a magical keepsake of the miraculous nine months you carry your baby inside you. Pregnant belly casts fascinate adults and children alike, whether you choose to hang yours proudly on the wall, or use it as a fruit bowl or more discrete ornament. Your belly cast will be a lasting reminder of how your body changed.
Once comfortable and smeared with Vaseline your bump is cast using layers of warm, wet plaster bandage. Get a Do-It-Yourself kit or book an appointment . Alternatively make an appointment for a high definition gel casting or true body casting.

Turn your bump into a work of art

Have a personal design painted onto your bump, and a photo shoot to immortalise this very special piece of art!

Pamper yourself

How about taking some time out to pamper yourself and your bump. many spas have special pregnancy treatments.
Another common way to focus on pregnancy is to attend an antenatal yoga class. The class is not only a time to exercise, but also an opportunity to relax and focus on your un-born baby.

Have a Baby Shower

How about throwing a party for a friend or relation? Baby showers, originated in post-war America, are increasingly popular in the UK. It is a chance to get together, usually about two months before baby is due, to celebrate the unborn baby, pass on experiences of motherhood and fuss over the mum-to-be. It is traditional to take this opportunity to hand over gifts to the new mum or baby, and play a few games, like ‘guess the baby’s birth weight’. You might want to have a theme such as Teddy bear’s picnic, or nursery rhymes. Baby showers are big business in the States, often with a no-expenses spared pampering session and party at a posh hotel. But a small party at home can be just as special!

Or maybe a Blessing Way

Another American import, the Blessing Way originates in a Navajo Indian rite of passage. It celebrates a life changing event such as becoming an adult, or a parent, passing through the menopause or any other life event that one wants to bless or celebrate. A blessingway is a personal version of a religious or secular rite of passage.
Each Blessing way is different, but they all involve a celebration or ceremony with friends and family, focusing on the emotional and spiritual needs of the mother-to-be. Each guest brings a prayer or gift. One common idea is for each guest to give a bead, accompanied by a song or blessing, which are then strung together into a special necklace to be worn during labour. Or everyone might join in with decorate the bump with henna art, or sew or write their names on a quilt square for the baby’s blanket.

Celebrating pregnancy around the world:

• Sephardic Jews celebrate a first pregnancy with a kortadura de fashadura, or “cutting of the swaddling clothes.” A party where cloth is cut to make the baby’s first outfit.
• In many places it considered important not to accept gifts or to celebrate the unborn baby. Drawing attention to a pregnancy might attract bad luck or jealous evil spirits.
• A Hindu Seemantham is traditionally held during the seventh month of pregnancy. It is organized by family and involves gift-giving and religious ritual. A prayer to fire is recited to soothe the expectant mother. Light instrumental music is played, and it is believed that this will refine the development of the baby’s ears.
• At the 5th month of pregnancy, Japanese women visit the temple on the Day of the Dog to pray and receive a hara-obi maternity sash to hold the baby in the proper position and prevent it growing too large

Inspirational books

Babycare, Featured, Parenting, , ,

Inspirational and indispensible books on pregnancy, birth and parenting

The right book can be a real source of support and help you feel confident in your choices, but reading the wrong ones can make you feel frustrated and a bit of a failure. As every parent and baby is different you need to take what works for you, and supports you. Here are books that have inspired other parents.

Advice I was once given was that if you buy Gina Ford, also try reading Sears, or Liedloff too. That way you can find an approach that you like, that suits you and your family. What works for some will not work for others. Helen

No book is a suitable substitute for meeting with other Mums of children of a similar age and just chatting about your children. Even if this chat sometimes happens online after children are in bed rather than face to face… Edwina

Early days

The Continuum Concept, Jean Liedloff ‡

This book is 100% down the other end of the parenting scale to Ford. Very much about looking within to yourself for ways to nurture your newborn based upon natural instincts. Helen

Your Baby And Child by Penelope Leach

I like Leach’s non-judgemental, non-threatening, non-lecturing approach to childcare. Her style is very descriptive and is a real celebration of babyhood and the early years. It’s quite an old-fashioned approach, but with an ‘older voice’ comes wisdom! Reading her takes away all your guilt and is the literary equivalent of a pat on the back! Nicola

Inspirational because she doesn’t try to give you all the answers and encourages you to trust your own instincts Sharon

Baby Wisdom by Deborah Jackson

Main message I picked up from it was that as long as they are fed and clothed, all you really need is a safe and loving environment for your child. There are many other things covered and I just love the style but then it suits my style of parenting. Louise

It covers all sorts of cultural and historical baby care and I found it a great way to see sift through and see what appealed to MY instincts and to see what ‘normal’ baby care across different times and places looks like. Katherine

What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen ‡

Inspirational because it showed me that whatever I’m thinking/feeling/doing,
at least some other mothers experience it as well. Sharon

This book really reveals what it is that PARENTS do, not just the obvious things like changing nappies, feeding children, etc., but this is about the little things that no-one ever seems to notice. It is an eye opener as well as a confirmation of your feelings as a parent. Nicolette

Absolutely amazing for dealing with so many of my first time mum questions and feelings. It is a rich collection of examples of others mums experiences, again I found it a reassuring and very informative read. Alexis

The Attachment Parenting Book, by William and Martha Sears

Lots of advice on baby wearing, bonding and breastfeeding, but nothing is prescriptive and there is a lot of ‘wiggle’ room to do things your own way. Helen

The Science of Parenting (retitled What Every Parent Needs to Know) by Margot Sunderland ‡

Explainssome of the science behind the guidance given by people like Sears but in simple, easy to follow language with lots of pictures – perfect for a sleep-deprived mum like me.Yazmin

Our Babies, Ourselves, How biology & culture shape the way we parent, by Meredith Small

Babies all over the world are raised differently according to the values of the society in which they are born. This made me think a bit more about the values that our society puts on adults/children/babies and which of these values I wanted our family to keep. Interesting and thought provoking. Susan

Older children

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

Helped me realise that my job as a parent isn’t to do things for my kids, but to enable them to do them themselves. Sharon

Raising Happy Children by Jan Parker and Jan Stimpson  ‡

Reinforced my own ’embryonic’ feelings that my new baby child was in fact a person in their own right, not someone who I had to tame or train but someone I could begin to relate to and understand. It does give concrete advice and help but it is not preachy, to me, and it deals with lots of different situations. Helen

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph

I have found this a book that I refer back to again and again as my little boy is growing up. Zoe

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

This book has provided me with a more positive way of looking at my daughter’s difficult behaviour. She is just MORE! The behaviours we find so draining in our children are actually strong positive traits in the adult and are to be admired! Zoe

Pregnancy & Birth

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
Spiritual Midwifery ‡ both by Ina May Gaskin

I love these for instilling confidence in a woman’s ability to have a baby. Since reading her books I strongly believe in the idea that having a baby need not be a traumatic, medical procedure, but a happy, almost enjoyable and amazing event. Helen

A collection of stories of birth, usual and unusual, but all of them seeing birth as something positive that women are designed beautifully to do. I don’t often cry when I read books but I did at this one, in awe of the power of our bodies.  Carol

Pre childbirth, I found Ina May Gaskin’s “Ina May’s guide to childbirth” to be very informative, as I was pondering over whether or not to book in for an ABC birth at Watford. She is an advocate of gentle natural birthing, and reading about her experiences as a midwife on “the farm” in the US, where mums-to-be come to be nurtured and guided through the birthing process, made me empowered to believe I should give it a go. When I arrived at the ABC, my own midwife had actually met Ina May and we spoke a lot about trying to achieve an intervention free birth as much as possible. Things did not quite work out that way (far from in fact it !!) but I was so glad I had read her book and was confident enough to at least try to have a natural birth. Alexis

Childbirth Without Fear by Dick Grantly Read ‡( Inspired the founding of the NCT)

Started me on the road to my fantastic home birth. It can be a bit of a slog to get through (but maybe that was just my pregnant brain not taking it in!) but it was a refreshing change to the commonly held and perpetuated view that childbirth is always a traumatic, agonising experience. After reading it, I KNEW I could have a happy, positive birth experience and then went on to do just that. I’m so happy I found it and would recommend it to all first time mums as something to read as an antidote to all the scare stories they will, inevitably, get bombarded with. Kelly

The New Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger ‡

Kitzinger is an inspirational writer who deals with all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth (including emotional and psychological) – reading her book gave me confidence in my own ability to give birth and rereading her book brings back all kinds of emotions.  She captures birth beautifully in her words and pictures, as well as giving practical suggestions. Nicola

Series

The Best Friends’ Guide to …

Human, comical, down to earth, and above all it (Best Friends’ guide to pregnancy) reminds you to enjoy this incredible moment… all the things you’d hope to hear from a friend. Carmen

I also loved ‘The Best Friends’ guides for their humour, something that so many baby books seem to forget and leave out. Helen

What to Expect books

Well set out and liked the format of “should be able to”, “will probably be able to” and “may be able to” for each month. I did feel it could have given a better “normal” range.
This is one of the best series of books I have found, very matter of fact, and not too opinionated (so didn’t push particular parenting ideas too much). Edwina

I’m expecting another baby in February and the only book I want back from the various friends I lent them to is ‘What to Expect: The First Year’. This book put my mind at rest as to what baby should or shouldn’t be doing at each stage – and stopped me from being a competitive mum. I liked it so much I went on to buy the ‘toddler years’. Claire

Love it or loathe it?

Contented Little Baby Book, Gina Ford

This one just goes to show that one person’s indispensible book, may well be another’s most hated! With over 700 reviews on Amazon.co.uk this one really divides opinion, and stirs emotions!

Yes

It has been my bible and i think is a must for all those who live isolated away from family and friends, which seems to be most modern lifestyles now! Gina has replaced the info and support you possibly got from grandmothers, aunties, and other friends as parents which in our situation are a minimum of 2-4 hour drives and a 24 flight away! It gives you permission, reassurance and structure if you are a routine person already! Sarah

This book saved my patience and any endless guessing I would have had. I watch my sister in law flying by the seat of her pants and I admire her as she does not “get” routines but her children respond so well to my children’s routines whilst in my home, so it is true, this book is not for everyone but it is definitely for my family! Both my girls are on the routine from an early age and now it is not a routine, it is how it is done, we all conform and we are all so happy with it. It made life so much easier with baby number 2, she fitted in perfectly with the routines of number 1 and we too got sleep all night from a young age, what bliss! Sarah

No

Some women will find that breastfeeding goes haywire if they follow Gina’s advice in the early days. In breastfeeding classes, if people are planning to impose a feeding schedule, I suggest not being rigid in the early days – to ensure that the baby gets enough time at the breast, enough milk, and that milk supply isn’t reduced by restricting feeds. Elaine (Breastfeeding Counsellor)

I can only speak from personal experience but after reading Gina Fords book I put an incredible amount of (unnecessary) pressure on myself, and my new baby. I was in a foreign country without any support network and had been told her book should become my “bible”. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to know when enough was enough and it went in the bin. I am now very, very wary when recommended those types of books. Carmen.

Maybe?

I also used Gina with my first baby as I had no clue about babies and no family around and found her a useful starting point.  With DD2 Gina didn’t work and this time I’m trusting my own instincts… having said that, DD3 is still waking loads in the night but how much is nature/nurture I don’t know!  Nicola

Where to get hold of these books

‡ Available to buy from NCT nctshop.co.uk

Written with contributions from members of the NCT

Finding support for natural parenting

Parenting

I’ve been thinking a lot about support for natural or attachment parenting this week, after going to a new local natural parenting group. And thinking how nice it would have been to have a similar group when I started!

In the early days baby E and I went to a local women’s centre play group, a weekly breastfeeding group, and NCT coffee mornings. Apart from the breastfeeding group they provided me with little in the way of parenting support, and even at breastfeeding group I had to be careful about expressing my approach. The main subjects of conversation were often irrelevant or occasionally uncomfortable for me – routines, sleep training, mixed feeding, early weaning.

Sometimes it is important just to feel normal. Or to have people who share most of your basic values to help deal with a particular issue.

Not to say I didn’t meet people I liked, or even some who did things in a similar way – but that I had to always be on my guard about what I said, and walk a very fine line until I could work out where each person was coming from.

I did NCT coffee mornings for a long time. In some ways it was to pick up like-minded Mums if and when they turned up. I also found that getting involved as a committee member and newsletter editor let me be involved, and make sure the branch represented my type of parenting too! I filled the social gap with online groups, a local breastfeeding support group that worked as a social group, La Leche League (but too far and the wrong days), slingmeets and more recently the local Home Birth group.

I found it was essential to support my parenting with books, (I chose only to read those I liked, rather than force myself to cover all the bases!), scientific research and online groups. In most of my real life groups, especially at the start, I was way off at one end of the spectrum! Those groups have helped me be more diplomatic when the need arises, but especially in the early days I felt that I had little in common with most other parents.

Over the years I’ve found people that have supported me and people who are doing it the same way – I’ve slowly collected real life people and groups where I feel more middle of the road and normal!

I also find the independent streak in me has stood me in good stead over the years! An early childhood spent living in various different places has really helped me feel comfortable with being different!

Jean Liedloff, author of the highly influential The Continuum Concept has died

Babycare, Parenting

On March 15, 2011 – Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept, passed away peacefully in her home.

The Continuum Concept is the idea that in order to achieve optimal physical, mental and emotional development, human beings — especially babies — require the kind of experience to which our species adapted during the long process of our evolution.

Experiences such as constant physical contact with a familiar caregiver, bed-sharing, breastfeeding on cue, being carried and allowed to observe, prompt non-judgemental responses to his signals (squirming, crying,  etc), other’s expectations that he is a social creature with natural self-preservation instincts.

Jean Liedloff influenced many parents and indeed changed many people’s understanding of how to parent.

When to bed-share with your baby?

Cosleeping, ,

A very helpful article by Helen Ball on bedsharing and breastfeeding, from Breastfeeding Today .

She examines how babies sleep – which is very differently to an adult, and how the western view of babies and sleep has been shaped by babies sleeping alone. Then moves on to the relationship between bed-sharing and breastfeeding. Helen Ball looks at the research on risk of bedsharing and highlights how the risks relate to individual circumstance and sums up with guidelines on how to bed-share safely.

The issue’s theme is sharing sleep, and another contributor Dr James McKenna is always worth a read.

Babywearing – what to wear in wet and cold?

Babywearing, ,

With babywearing comes a whole other world of questions – like what to wear when the weather gets cold and wet?
Over the last 7 years I have tried a few options.

First of all babywearing beats a pushchair when it is raining. I’ve never been able to push my pushchair and carry an umbrella. But have found that with baby in a sling, even on the back I can just put up my umbrella, make sure the umbrella is over baby (if baby doesn’t want to feel the rain on her face) with the spokes touching her back and off we go. Particularly good are those large, clear dome umbrellas, but we’ve managed fine with a children’s Dora the Explorer one!

Front carry with an ordinary coat

For a little baby on the front I found that just wearing a biggish coat, done up over the front worked great. But as time went on, and we moved over to more and more back carries I needed a new approach.

At first I just tried both of us wearing our coats and then putting the sling over the top. This works great with my mei-tai, but it does lead to the problem of both of us overheating when we go indoors – especially into hot, stuffy shopping centres. On the flip side now I have very active, walking child each having our costs on means that she already has the right clothes on to get down and play outside.

Finally I decided I needed a proper babywearing coat. But which to choose?

I don’t spend or think a lot about clothes and style, but I am very picky. I like anything I buy to ‘be me’. Preferably a bit quirky and in the right colours – bright, strong, clear colours – red, green or purple, but usually end up with the inevitable fall back – black!

A look at the babywearer.com mostly turned up anorak type coats. Not what I was after at all. Then I found three options:

The Äiska Babywearing Poncho. Which I loved the look of, but couldn’t help feeling that it would completely drown little old me.

The MamaPoncho – beautiful, neat but not really a coat.

Very, very pregnant in the MamaJacket

And finally the MamaJacket. This is the one I bought and have worn for several years. It is neat (sizes are rather small), looks good as an ordinary coat, and a maternity one. The only down side is that is isn’t as warm as many other coats. But in UK with its limited deep winter – and lotsof autumn and spring chilly days it is usually fine. Now available in a gorgeous red colour which I would love to have had.

Then this morning I followed a link and found this coat – the MaM Babywearing tunic.  Quirky and at Naturally Happy Slings it is even available in red fleece. Like the MamaJacket it can be worn as an ordinary coat, during pregnancy, or babywearing front or back. Interestingly it comes in three different fabrics – stretchy polar fleece, wool/viscose or a weatherproofed fleece. As I seem to spend alot of time outside standing around in playgrounds the weatherproof version is very tempting, although sadly not available in the red.

Now the question is “Is it too late to buy a babywearing coat?” as DD2 is coming to the end of regularly being in the sling. But then again – it can be worn as an ordinary coat!

One little extra for baby. When in a sling trousers ride up – so leg warmers such as Babylegs or Huggalugs are a great idea. Though we have usually just gone with long trousers on a baby who isn’t walking yet, or high boots on a child that is.