My experiences with parental controls on my telephone network have convinced me that Government imposed parental controls are a bad idea. They block sites they shouldn’t and let through others they should, even if there was a consensus on what they should block (which there isn’t).
So I am pleased to hear that the Government has dropped plans to introduce ISP level parental controls, and will instead focus on helping parents choose and use existing controls
Over the years we have spent a lot of time outside with our two young children.
Wandering the streets has been a favourite, and playing in public spaces. Street furniture has so many possibilities! If you leave enough time to take things slow there are lots of interesting things for small children around the streets.
We have also enjoyed going to the park or woods, climbing trees and setting up home in the shrubbery. A pushed over pushchair on the pavement makes a brilliant rocket on the way back from the library.
Who can resist puddle jumping or jumping in the autumn leaves – I know none of us can!
Playgrounds have provided a social opportunity and plenty of fun over the years too.
My youngest in particular likes to collect things and each journey outside leaves the possibility for the discovery of treasures – a discarded McDonald toy, a stick, a hub cap (these are particularly popular).
My eldest loves the opportunity to meet people and chat that being outside provides too.
1. Using a sling for a baby – and for a toddler (up to age 4 or 5 with a well suited good quality one.
Baby can see everything and chat with you and other people if they want. And it doesn’t matter how far a toddler can walk because you just pick them up for a bit. I like a mei-tai best – easy for back carries and unlike a wrap there isn’t too much material to drag through the mud. A good soft structured carrier can work well too.
Types of baby carriers
2. Working out a bag(s) that worked for me, and taking as little as possible.
For me this was a large runner bumbag, which I could wear around my waist under the carrier. Children carried their own toddler day sack from very early on with nappy things in. (not the baby ones in shape of animals as you can’t really fit anything else in these). If your child has a tendency to run towards the road then the reins on these might be helpful too.
3. Dress right for the weather
With a bit of research it is possible to find clothes for babies, children and adults that mean that the weather isn’t a problem.
Babywearing – what to wear in wet and cold?
4. Learning not to expect too much.
Children like to potter, and it seems completely against their nature to walk from A to B with getting somewhere as the purpose. For them it is about the journey. So slow down, take your time and you’ll be rewarded by getting to see a familiar landscape in a whole new way.
Over the last month I have been forced to confront a new emerging reality. One where parents, and women in particular are unable to access information and support on birth, and parenting because of telephone, website and internet adult-content blocks and censorship.
I am facing a new world where as a parent I must choose between essentially turning on the porn and violence (assuming that remains an option) or being unable to access a vast number of websites about breastfeeding, birth, babies, parenting and health. These are precisely the sites that parents need to be able to access in order to make informed choices about their children, but the very filters intended to protect children prevent this.
As a responsible parent you would think that blocking adult content is a good thing – I personally do not want my children stumbling across hard core pornography and violence online. But in practice, whether you think it is a parental responsibility alone or whether governments, phone companies and ISPs should take the initiative and block content, the reality that is emerging is that this type of filtering doesn’t always (or maybe ever) work.
My story starts a with an awareness of the problems faced by many women on Facebook. Facebook has a reputation for banning pictures of women breastfeeding.
The issue became more personal at the end of July when I found that mobile phone company 3Â was blocking one of the world’s most highly regarded parenting and breastfeeding websites -Â kellymom.com. As a mother I have relied heavily on the information on this evidence-based website for years. Â Now if you go and look at it (if you can) this site isn’t even full of pictures of half naked women – which as a breastfeding website would actually be entirely appropriate. Many women have problems breastfeeding and one of the factors behind this may be that most of us have never seen a baby feed. Four weeks later – kellymom is still blocked and I am informed that the matter has been passed on to the relevant department, but that rectifying it will take an unspecified amount of time and involve complicated policy decisions by a team of people.
On the same day I discover another blocked website. The International Society for the Study and Prevention of Perinatal and Infant Death (ISPID) is a not-for-profit organization that is leading the world in discovering evidence-based preventive measures for stillbirth and sudden infant death. So it looks less and less like some kind of mistake based on porn websites with a similar name to Kellymom though this initially seemed to be a possibility.
This morning I decided that if these two sites were being blocked I would spend an hour seeing what else is inaccessible through 3. So I carried out some simple searches starting with terms such as birth choices. And voila! – in a short space of time I’ve a list of about twenty websites providing information and services to parents and parents-to-be that are blocked by my telephone network. These range from the internationally renowned KellyMom, to the Royal College of Midwives
http://kellymom.com/
http://ispid.org/
http://www.rcmnormalbirth.org.uk/
http://www.aims.org.uk/
http://midwifery.org.uk
http://independentmidwives.org.uk/
http://wearyourbaby.com/
http://altbirthchoices.com/
http://positivebirthchoices.com/
http://doula.org.uk/
http://www.mothersmate.co.uk/
http://www.independentmidwives-southeast.co.uk/
http://www.independentmidwives.com/
http://hypnobirthing.com/
http://hypnobirthing.co.uk/
http://www.thehypnobirthingcentre.co.uk/
http://activebirthcentre.com/
http://pregnancyandparents.org.uk/
http://www.bellybelly.com.au/
http://activebirthpools.com/
http://thenewbornbaby.com/
http://expressyourselfmums.co.uk/
None of these sites have adult content, they are all aimed at the very people who are likely to choose to have parental controls turned on. They range from small businesses, to birth classes, to the Royal College of Midwives!
So why does this matter? It matters because it isn’t clear what criteria these companies use, and it isn’t easy to get these websites unblocked. Blocking sites like this makes a mockery of the idea of parental controls, just at the point where they are about to be rolled out by ISPs. In order to be an informed and responsible parent, and to make the best decisions for our families and children will we have any choice other than to turn off all parental controls?
Every child aged between five and 16 is entitled to a place at a state school and most parents choose this option. These are government funded and so are free to attend.
From September 2011 local authorities must accept children in to reception, the September after the child turns four, but you may choose full time or part time until age five. You can now defer entry until later in the year up until your child reaches five, and the place must be held for you until the term after the child’s fifth birthday, but not beyond the end of the academic year. If you want you can choose to use a state funded nursery or other setting place instead, until the term after you child turns five. (Schools Admission Code)
If you are choosing a state school start inquiring about primary schools well before your child reaches their fourth birthday.
Most state schools are mainstream state schools – which means that they receive funding via local authorities, follow the National Curriculum and are regularly inspected by Ofsted. These are based on a formal, single-age, class-based, and curriculum driven approach, where learning is primarily adult-led. It is focused on assessment and passing tests, through SATs and later on GCSEs, A-Levels and the recently approved IGCSEs.
Some specialise in particular subjects, or are governed in partnership with a faith or voluntary group. There are also state schools catering for children with special needs, boarding schools and Grammar schools which select on academic ability. For many parents the local nature and community setting of a state primary school is important.
Academies are a newer type of state-funded school. Free Schools are new Academy schools set up by parents, teachers, charities, community or faith groups or previously independent schools. They are essentially state-funded independent schools, which have greater freedom in how they run themselves and the educational approach they take. Your options are dependent on the approach taken by individual academy schools in your area. If you are interested in setting up a Free School the New Schools Network provides advice and guidance.
You can search for state schools and find out more about them at schoolsfinder.direct.gov.uk, or contact your local authority and ask for a list of schools.
Each year your local authority will produce a free booklet giving deadlines, the application process, and admission criteria, and the admissions criteria for how places are allocated. You should automatically receive information on getting your child into school.
The Local authority sets the admission criteria for some schools, whilst other state maintained schools have their own governing body which decides on admissions criteria. Make sure you read the admission criteria for your preferred schools.
Apply by filling in the Local Authority Common Application Form online or in paper in the autumn for entry the following September. You need to list one or more preferred schools for primary schools.
The dates vary so check with your local authority and send off your form or apply online in plenty of time.
Independent Schools are privately owned and run. Since they are not state funded they are primarily funded by fees paid by parents.
The independent sector covers a range of different approaches, including some unavailable within the state sector. Each school will have different priorities, different values and use different methods.
Many Independent schools follow formal, single-age, class-based, and curriculum driven approach, where learning is primarily adult-led. It is focused on assessment and passing tests, as in State schools and may be based on the National Curriculum.
Prep schools are primary schools which prepare children for academically selective secondary schools, which have school entrance exams like the Common Entrance paper.
Other independent schools may follow very different philosophies.
Although more commonly found as nurseries for the under 5s, the Montessori approach is also used in schools for older children with multi-age groups, where children select their own activities www.montessori.org.uk. Steiner Waldorf schools focus on play-based Kindergarten until formal, theme-based education starts at 7, with a focus on practical, artistic and intellectual skills, and continuity of care with class teacher for eight years www.steinerwaldorf.org.uk.
Independent schools are listed at the Independent Schools Council  www.isc.co.uk or the Independent Schools Directory www.indschools.co.uk, or on schoolsfinder.direct.gov.uk.
Each school will deal will set its own admissions criteria and applications. Contact schools direct for more information.
Some parents choose to educate their children themselves, outside school. This may be their their first choice, because they want to take responsibility for the education themselves and allow their child to learn in a flexible, individualized way within a family setting. For others it is a response to school not working for that child, sometimes due to bullying, special needs or educational issues.
Home educators are a diverse group with a range of reasons for choosing home education, and different backgrounds. You do not need to be a teacher to home educate.
Home education covers the widest range of approaches, from formal work, as used in schools, to informal learning. Some families use a structured adult-led curriculum and there are many different ones available, as well as lots of resources for the National Curriculum. Others are autonomous, with the child leading the education. Often this emphasises informal learning through play and conversation but may also include structured worksheets and courses. Many use elements of both approaches. The individualised nature of home education means that parents can tailor every child’s education by picking the approach that works for them at that time.
Home educated children can take formal qualifications, such as IGCSEs, GCSEs and A-Levels either through correspondence courses, as external candidates or at further education college.
There are a number of national organisations for England that support home educators.
You local public library should also have books on explaining more about home education.
If your child is not at school yet, you do not have to inform anyone that you are home educating since education is a parental responsibility.
If you want to remove your child from school in England then you need to inform the school in writing, and they will inform your Local Authority. The Local Authority has a duty to act if it thinks that a suitable education isn’t taking place, and you should respond to any enquires. Local authorities often prefer visits, but you may instead provide written information to satisfy their enquiries. De-registration from a designated Special Needs school requires LA consent.
Many home educators start by joining one of the national organisations and using its local contact lists to meet other home educators. There are local support networks (try searching yahoo and google groups for one in your area) through which home educators pool resources and take part in a wide range of group activities and social events. Talking to home educators is a great way to find out if home education is for your family and how others go about it.
Elective Home Education Guidelines
Ed Yourself – Comprehensive look at legalities of home education
To celebrate International Babywearing Week – here are some blogs on babywearing.
Why I Love Baby Wearing -Â Charlotte Kaufman
I Love The Way You Wear Your Baby | International Babywearing Week 2011 - Charlotte Kaufman
Why I love babywearing – Katherine Norman
Benefits of Babywearing – Katherine Norman
Types of baby carrier – Katherine Norman
Baby-Wearing ~ Toddler-Wearing ~ Eleven-Year-Old-Wearing - Rachel Coleman (spotted by Charlotte Kaufman). An inspirational account of babywearing a disabled child. Shows the potential for babywearing for all of us and as a result I have been inspired to make sure I take a mei-tai out with me today for my only 4 year old!
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Reading the latest The Parental Intelligence Newsletter I came upon this article that struck a cord with me – Why African Babies Don’t Cry
by J. Claire K. Niala.
It reminded me of some of the childhood influences on my parenting that I treasure the most. As a child I lived in various countries – most notably for a couple of years in Malawi. It was a time in my life that I loved completely – warm sun, heavy rain, good friends and family all in the warm heart of Africa. It influenced my view of the world and in recent years has heavily influenced my parenting choices.
We had a cook – whose large family was very important to me. Their two year old daughter in particular was the only child before I had my own that I have ever felt maternal about. Whilst we were their her mother had another baby daughter. And between them both they taught me some of the most important lessons for my own parenting.
First – there is nothing strange about co-sleeping – although given a family of 11 people, and two bedrooms you really have no choice. But that normal, happy children co-sleep and it can be a completely normal part of the human condition.
Secondly that toddlers don’t have to throw tantrums. The only times I ever saw my friend cry was if she was hurt or at wash time – now that she hated!
Thirdly babies don’t have to cry, and the most normal place in the world for a baby is attached to its mother, in a chitenge or what ever other baby carrier comes to hand. The little one is also the only baby I can remember seeing breastfeeding up close.
These special memories stayed with me for years – ready to help make breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing and multi-age communities of children seem like the obvious choices for my own children.
Spent yesterday at the LiTTLe Conference in London – Learning Trust, Trusting Learning.
Very nice to see some old friends, put some faces to Twitter friends and see some well-known autonomous home educators in real life.
Considered writing a bit more about each – but KP Nuts has beaten me to it! The LiTTLe Conference in London 11.6.11
The right book can be a real source of support and help you feel confident in your choices, but reading the wrong ones can make you feel frustrated and a bit of a failure. As every parent and baby is different you need to take what works for you, and supports you. Here are books that have inspired other parents.
Advice I was once given was that if you buy Gina Ford, also try reading Sears, or Liedloff too. That way you can find an approach that you like, that suits you and your family. What works for some will not work for others. Helen
No book is a suitable substitute for meeting with other Mums of children of a similar age and just chatting about your children. Even if this chat sometimes happens online after children are in bed rather than face to face… Edwina
This book is 100% down the other end of the parenting scale to Ford. Very much about looking within to yourself for ways to nurture your newborn based upon natural instincts. Helen
I like Leach’s non-judgemental, non-threatening, non-lecturing approach to childcare. Her style is very descriptive and is a real celebration of babyhood and the early years. It’s quite an old-fashioned approach, but with an ‘older voice’ comes wisdom! Reading her takes away all your guilt and is the literary equivalent of a pat on the back! Nicola
Inspirational because she doesn’t try to give you all the answers and encourages you to trust your own instincts Sharon
Main message I picked up from it was that as long as they are fed and clothed, all you really need is a safe and loving environment for your child. There are many other things covered and I just love the style but then it suits my style of parenting. Louise
It covers all sorts of cultural and historical baby care and I found it a great way to see sift through and see what appealed to MY instincts and to see what ‘normal’ baby care across different times and places looks like. Katherine
Inspirational because it showed me that whatever I’m thinking/feeling/doing,
at least some other mothers experience it as well. Sharon
This book really reveals what it is that PARENTS do, not just the obvious things like changing nappies, feeding children, etc., but this is about the little things that no-one ever seems to notice. It is an eye opener as well as a confirmation of your feelings as a parent. Nicolette
Absolutely amazing for dealing with so many of my first time mum questions and feelings. It is a rich collection of examples of others mums experiences, again I found it a reassuring and very informative read. Alexis
Lots of advice on baby wearing, bonding and breastfeeding, but nothing is prescriptive and there is a lot of ‘wiggle’ room to do things your own way. Helen
Explainssome of the science behind the guidance given by people like Sears but in simple, easy to follow language with lots of pictures – perfect for a sleep-deprived mum like me.Yazmin
Babies all over the world are raised differently according to the values of the society in which they are born. This made me think a bit more about the values that our society puts on adults/children/babies and which of these values I wanted our family to keep. Interesting and thought provoking. Susan
Helped me realise that my job as a parent isn’t to do things for my kids, but to enable them to do them themselves. Sharon
Reinforced my own ’embryonic’ feelings that my new baby child was in fact a person in their own right, not someone who I had to tame or train but someone I could begin to relate to and understand. It does give concrete advice and help but it is not preachy, to me, and it deals with lots of different situations. Helen
I have found this a book that I refer back to again and again as my little boy is growing up. Zoe
This book has provided me with a more positive way of looking at my daughter’s difficult behaviour. She is just MORE! The behaviours we find so draining in our children are actually strong positive traits in the adult and are to be admired! Zoe
I love these for instilling confidence in a woman’s ability to have a baby. Since reading her books I strongly believe in the idea that having a baby need not be a traumatic, medical procedure, but a happy, almost enjoyable and amazing event. Helen
A collection of stories of birth, usual and unusual, but all of them seeing birth as something positive that women are designed beautifully to do. I don’t often cry when I read books but I did at this one, in awe of the power of our bodies.  Carol
Pre childbirth, I found Ina May Gaskin’s “Ina May’s guide to childbirth” to be very informative, as I was pondering over whether or not to book in for an ABC birth at Watford. She is an advocate of gentle natural birthing, and reading about her experiences as a midwife on “the farm” in the US, where mums-to-be come to be nurtured and guided through the birthing process, made me empowered to believe I should give it a go. When I arrived at the ABC, my own midwife had actually met Ina May and we spoke a lot about trying to achieve an intervention free birth as much as possible. Things did not quite work out that way (far from in fact it !!) but I was so glad I had read her book and was confident enough to at least try to have a natural birth. Alexis
Started me on the road to my fantastic home birth. It can be a bit of a slog to get through (but maybe that was just my pregnant brain not taking it in!) but it was a refreshing change to the commonly held and perpetuated view that childbirth is always a traumatic, agonising experience. After reading it, I KNEW I could have a happy, positive birth experience and then went on to do just that. I’m so happy I found it and would recommend it to all first time mums as something to read as an antidote to all the scare stories they will, inevitably, get bombarded with. Kelly
Kitzinger is an inspirational writer who deals with all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth (including emotional and psychological) – reading her book gave me confidence in my own ability to give birth and rereading her book brings back all kinds of emotions. She captures birth beautifully in her words and pictures, as well as giving practical suggestions. Nicola
Human, comical, down to earth, and above all it (Best Friends’ guide to pregnancy) reminds you to enjoy this incredible moment… all the things you’d hope to hear from a friend. Carmen
I also loved ‘The Best Friends’ guides for their humour, something that so many baby books seem to forget and leave out. Helen
Well set out and liked the format of “should be able to”, “will probably be able to” and “may be able to” for each month. I did feel it could have given a better “normal” range.
This is one of the best series of books I have found, very matter of fact, and not too opinionated (so didn’t push particular parenting ideas too much). Edwina
I’m expecting another baby in February and the only book I want back from the various friends I lent them to is ‘What to Expect: The First Year’. This book put my mind at rest as to what baby should or shouldn’t be doing at each stage – and stopped me from being a competitive mum. I liked it so much I went on to buy the ‘toddler years’. Claire
This one just goes to show that one person’s indispensible book, may well be another’s most hated! With over 700 reviews on Amazon.co.uk this one really divides opinion, and stirs emotions!
It has been my bible and i think is a must for all those who live isolated away from family and friends, which seems to be most modern lifestyles now! Gina has replaced the info and support you possibly got from grandmothers, aunties, and other friends as parents which in our situation are a minimum of 2-4 hour drives and a 24 flight away! It gives you permission, reassurance and structure if you are a routine person already! Sarah
This book saved my patience and any endless guessing I would have had. I watch my sister in law flying by the seat of her pants and I admire her as she does not “get” routines but her children respond so well to my children’s routines whilst in my home, so it is true, this book is not for everyone but it is definitely for my family! Both my girls are on the routine from an early age and now it is not a routine, it is how it is done, we all conform and we are all so happy with it. It made life so much easier with baby number 2, she fitted in perfectly with the routines of number 1 and we too got sleep all night from a young age, what bliss! Sarah
Some women will find that breastfeeding goes haywire if they follow Gina’s advice in the early days. In breastfeeding classes, if people are planning to impose a feeding schedule, I suggest not being rigid in the early days – to ensure that the baby gets enough time at the breast, enough milk, and that milk supply isn’t reduced by restricting feeds. Elaine (Breastfeeding Counsellor)
I can only speak from personal experience but after reading Gina Fords book I put an incredible amount of (unnecessary) pressure on myself, and my new baby. I was in a foreign country without any support network and had been told her book should become my “bible”. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to know when enough was enough and it went in the bin. I am now very, very wary when recommended those types of books. Carmen.
I also used Gina with my first baby as I had no clue about babies and no family around and found her a useful starting point. With DD2 Gina didn’t work and this time I’m trusting my own instincts… having said that, DD3 is still waking loads in the night but how much is nature/nurture I don’t know! Nicola
‡ Available to buy from NCT nctshop.co.uk
Written with contributions from members of the NCT